Tutapona Co-Founder, Julie Gaede, has left home numerous times following God’s calling for her and her family. Each move presented challenges and opportunities for growth as it strengthened her faith. And in the process of leaving home, He has taught her what Home truly is.

Part One: Home and Belonging

Julia: Tell me more about your initial call to leave Wisconsin with your two kids. What was it like to leave everything you had here?

Julie: I was very involved in ministry, had a private practice, and I was a full-time mom. I had such clarity that we were to be going to Uganda. The Lord had been waking me up and giving me scriptures and confirmation. I was so excited and knew that God was going to be meeting me in new and exciting ways, because He already was.

And then when we got to Uganda, He told me, ‘Your ministry is to your family only.’ That was a huge surprise to me because I thought that I would be balancing home-life while also working in the programs with Carl- balancing these various things like I was back in the States. So, it was a little bit of a letdown. It looked a lot different than I thought it was going to look.

However, God knew best!  My children needed me in this season, and this ministry included Carl, as he was in the throes of all of the setup. It was really important to be a sounding board for him and there was a lot of my heart that went into the planning and the way that the ministry was going to look. My involvement was just from home through conversations and a lot of prayer. Seeking the Lord and sharing that wisdom with Carl.

Julia: You had mentioned that you were doing a lot of that from home. Did you feel at home in Uganda right away while you were trying to figure things out? 

Julie: Not at all. We moved from place to place and were just living out of suitcases for the first seven to eight months while we were trying to find a house up in Gulu. And every time we would try to rent a house, it would get rented out from under us. I was trying to homeschool out of suitcases. It was hard.

I thought that I would have community right away. I was excited for my Ugandan community and getting to know women, going to a Ugandan church and being involved in Ugandan Bible study. But I really struggled to have deep friendships. It just kind of felt like there was this I disconnect. So, I did not feel at home. 

Then, just when we finally got a house in Gulu and started to settle in a bit, the organization that we were working with asked Carl to spend at least half of his time in Kampala, and so we had to make a decision- where would it be best for the family to live while he's moving back and forth between locations. We felt like the Lord said “Kampala,” which was another ‘leaving home.’ 

After settling into life in Kampala, I came to the clear realization that home is less about location and more about community. We had celebrated holidays together and did those things that you look to your family for. They became family. We had an incredible community in Uganda, and they felt like home to us.

Part Two: What Home Truly is

Julia: What was it like for you when you felt God calling you to leave “home” again and go to a completely different country?

Julie: I experienced a lot of grief over leaving community. Though much of our community was also being called to different parts of the world, so that made it a little bit easier. But our community of Ugandan friends, our Ugandan life, our house, the weather- to go to an unknown and somewhat “scary” region of the world. (I say scary in the ways the media painted the idea for us.) We were a little bit unsettled, but the Lord spoke again, I think even more than before moving to Uganda.

I was awake in the night,  journaling with Him more than ever in my life and He constantly brought me scriptures and spoke to me that He was going before us, and that He was with us, that He would never leave us nor forsake us. That He would be faithful, and I didn’t need to fear. So, by the time we moved again, I had excitement and anticipation because I knew the Lord wanted us there and I was excited about why He wanted us there and what He wanted to teach and grow us in while we were there. Again, this mixture of sadness and grief and excitement and anticipation. 

You know, Iraq's a pretty harsh place to live. We went a lot without heat and without power, and there's a lot of challenges. I couldn't do my normal exercise routine because I wasn't supposed to be outside walking as a woman. There’s a lot of challenges.

When you think about going to live somewhere, Iraq wouldn't necessarily be on somebody's top 10 list. But because it was where God wanted us to be, we had this grace that allowed us to just fall in love with it and all of its harshness, its crazy weather and idiosyncrasies. His grace gives you the love and appreciation.

There's something about God's grace. More than community, home is God. He is home. I really think that. I can get emotional thinking about it because as I try to consider how we were able to be and feel at home any place that He's called us, it's because He's been there. He's our home, and I think that He gives us grace to be in that place that He calls us to because of His presence. 

Julia: How did your faith impact your experience leaving home again in Kurdistan? This time not by calling or choice, but rather an evacuation due to unrest and unsafety? What was that like for you?

Julie: In our other moves, I was able to spend a lot of time with the Lord in preparation, listening and hearing Him revealing His plans and purposes. But with the evacuation, it was daily questions. It became, instead of anticipating and planning, a deepened reliance, asking God, “Okay, what about today, God? Okay, what’s next?”  And we heard Him tell us to “go home” (to America,) really clearly. Though we thought it was going to be only for a month. But what He asks is always for our best and it's good. Having that trust is sustaining and helpful. 

Part Three: Leaving Home- A Lesson in Privilege, Perspective, and Hope

Julia: Do you feel like, after your evacuation, you can better understand stories of displacement that our participants face when they leave their homes?

Julie: Home felt like it was supposed to be in Iraq, and that it would be for a longer season. When we had to evacuate, we felt uprooted and forced out with just a few belongings. We just had our “go-bags” (our prepared ahead backpacks – pre-packed in case of emergency), and the few things that we were able to grab and evacuated. It was awful not being able to say goodbye to the people that we loved and having closure. And when we left, we thought we would be able to go back to Kurdistan, after a short time away.

Through that experience, we got just a small taste of what our program participants experience, but nowhere near the magnitude. We had access to so much more than they do, and we were able to leave a country in turmoil and go to guaranteed safety. Most people that are forced to leave home aren’t going to a place that is safe or comfortable. And we knew that we could go to places where people would want us and be excited to have us. Most of the people that we work with are forced to go to places where they're unwanted and the country is doing everything they can to keep them out

Julia: Did you find any of the lessons from Tutapona’s programs to be helpful for you in all your transitions? 

Julie: Yeah, absolutely. One of the tools, for example, that we offer people who are struggling with some of the post-traumatic reactions of struggling to sleep is a tension-release exercise of getting endorphins going to combat the cortisol (released by the brain in a “fight or flight” situation.) So, certainly many nights I found myself practicing that while doing long deep breaths counting to seven before I could fall asleep. And the five concepts of GROW were helpful, too.

I think maybe most helpful was being able to experience God’s faithfulness over and over and over again and watching Him be a God of His word. Watching Him provide when there just didn't seem to be a way, like asking us to go serve in South Sudan when we had no money. I absolutely one hundred percent trust my Savior. He is faithful to His word and we don't have to fear.

Part Four: Expanding Home

Julia: So, with you transitioning back in Wisconsin where you’ve now been living for over two years, do you feel at home? 

Julie: I do. I know that this is where God wants us right now, and so that feels peaceable to me. 

We're so blessed. We're in a place where people want us, and we have community and that feels really good. And I have community spread across the globe and in a sense that feels really great. I just feel so grateful for the relationships that I get to have with people around the world and I love that I can relate to people of varying cultures. 

I feel home in the sense that this is where God wants us to be, and I have my family- I’ve got my eldest daughter Judith and Elijah living with us. I'm thankful to be near my parents, Carl’s parents, and family as well.

But I have longing in other parts of the world as well, and I miss all of that. They all feel just as much like home to me, as do people here too. 

Julia: It’s almost like God's grown your home rather than taking homes away from you. He’s put you in different houses at different times, expanding your communities and sense of belonging which is part of what home is. Also, your increased security in the Lord as you’ve grown in trusting Him and bearing witness to His grace for you has expanded your idea of home as well.

Julie: That's really it! 

Part Five: ‘Back Home’- Reflections on What Truly Matters

Julia: Coming from an American culture that loves to consume and that idolizes material possessions, it can be challenging to recondition ourselves to believe that home is not about the things we fill it with. When you moved into a furnished house in Kurdistan that wasn’t your own in or the way you would want it to look and feel, was it hard to feel at home? And how did your experiences moving around so much and becoming more minimal reinforce that for you?

Julie: When we left America, we sold all of our stuff and paired down to two suit suitcases each. Then after eight years in Uganda, we collected a house full of stuff, had to sell and give away all of it and just deal with the mess of that.  So, it was really comforting living in Iraq where the house was furnished. It didn't really matter that much the furniture was not at all our style, because we were right where God wanted us to be. Compared to our other two homes, we lived more minimally, and that felt really good.

Moving back into our house here, in America, all of our stuff is used, and we got it cheaply. If the Lord calls us to another country, sometime, it just doesn’t feel right to invest in things. I just want to always be ready to move when He wants me to move.

Julia: So, would you do it again? Would you choose the uncertainty, the fear, the grief, leaving everything behind over a secure, comfortable, house with everything that you want inside of it? 

Julie: Yeah, hands down. When you are where He calls you to be, He supplies all your needs, He blesses you way more than you can imagine. And I’ve had the privilege of witnessing this firsthand. I have had the privilege of knowing what it's like to live in the will of God, obeying His voice and living where He wants me to be.

And even though the conditions can be harsh, or the situation might not be ideal, there is something about being in God’s presence, listening, following, and living out His will. That is the only place I want to be. I don’t ever, ever want to live outside of that.